"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels."
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Source: Fictional character: Dennis Miller Doll. The Nostalgia Critic/ The First Couple: TMNT, 2010.
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"The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt."
"Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese."
"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."
"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven."