"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
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Quote collection
Dennis Miller quotes (page 1 of 13)
244 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt."
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"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."
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"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
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"Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese."
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"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven."
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"Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program."
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"Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble."
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"And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee."
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"There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim."
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"It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis."
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"Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it."
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"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."
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"There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it."
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"A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. The reality? Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us."
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"Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar."
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"I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed."
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"Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time."
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"Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong."
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"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
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