"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
"The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God."
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Source: Dennis Miller (2010). “Rants”, p.34, Main Street Books
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"The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt."
"Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese."
"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."
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