"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
"Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?"
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Source: Dennis Miller: The Raw Feed. Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. April 12, 2003.
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"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."
"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven."