"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
"Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble."
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Source: Dennis Miller (2011). “Ranting Again”, p.30, Main Street Books
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"The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt."
"Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese."
"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."
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