"It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book."
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Quote collection
Dylan Moran quotes (page 4 of 10)
197 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I wanted to show off - a simple impulse or drive; in much the same way as some kids wanted to play football, I wanted to show off. Not complicated in that sense, very natural; it just depends on how you want to show off."
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"I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist."
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"Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop"
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"As an Irish person, there's a historical fascination with America: America is the default green and promised land for Irish people and Italians; that's what we grow up with."
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"I don't really think of myself as an actor."
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"I did throw a lot of eggs into one basket, as you do in your teenage years - 'I am buying these records, I am wearing this'. I did quite a bit of that. You have to do it, wear your stupid shoes, wear your stupid hair."
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"Shame is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, anyway, built into religion."
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"[Washington] is the political capital. It's essentially a big office."
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"I love playing in America. I feel having been there a few times that I "get" America a lot more than I used to. It used to be so strange to me. It takes years to learn how to separate the actual, major, important differences from the superficial differences that aren't essential or crucial."
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"I think of myself as a theatre comic instead of club comic because I tend to talk for a bit before I start being funny. I don't really do the one-liners and five second bits or whatever. But it's good to work stuff out sometimes."
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"You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic."
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"Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!"
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"You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it."
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"Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation."
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"If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls."
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"I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all."
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"What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight."
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"I've always wanted to visit [Washington]. The Smithsonian has some fantastic archival material on blues music, which I'm really into. There's a ton of stuff I want to do there. but it just never happened."
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"I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive."
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