"Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice."
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Quote collection
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (page 11 of 19)
361 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."
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"All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution."
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"Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's Adopt-A-Turkey Project."
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"So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer."
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"I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short and has white hair."
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"We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with procrastination, too.' I said 'Really?... Get my sandwich.'"
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"That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy."
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"I had done a sitcom and a movie and hosted the Emmys, and all of a sudden, I lost everything. As someone put it at the time, I was suddenly like a Ferrari in neutral."
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"We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two cats on our farm, Tom and Little Sister, two horses, and two mini horses, Hannah and Tricky. We also have two cows, Holy and Madonna. And those are only the animals we let sleep in our bed."
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"Though you feel you're not where you're suppose to be, you shouldn't worry because that next turn that you take, it will lead you to where you wanna go."
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"Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions."
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"There's nothing I know for sure, because I know for sure that things change."
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"One rough patch is not the big picture."
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"Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing."
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"I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it."
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"There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans"
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"I would love for the world to be happier."
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"If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions."
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"Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all different people and we're allowed to be different from on another. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don't curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hate. That'll show them."
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