"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."
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Quote collection
Fred Allen quotes (page 2 of 5)
94 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
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"On ships they call them barnacles; in business they attach themselves to desks and are called vice presidents."
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"California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange."
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"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."
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"My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back."
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"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."
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"If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it."
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"Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans."
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"If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now."
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"I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement."
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"An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer."
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"A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself."
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"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
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"Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great."
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"A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on."
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"During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk."
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"Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year."
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"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
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"The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference."
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