"Your home is your refuge."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 48 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose."
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"But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!"
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"May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!"
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"You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!"
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"You know something I could really do without? The Space Shuttle. ... It's irresponsible. The last thing we should be doing is sending our grotesquely distorted DNA out into space."
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"Next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.'"
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"Meanwhile, followers of Eastern religions are sitting in the middle of their minds, experiencing a bliss and a level of consciousness that Western man can't begin to approach."
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"How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key."
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"Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story."
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"I became a radio nut. I loved the afternoon serials, and I got into jazz through the radio. I had a subscription to Down Beat when I was 12. And I'd spend a lot of time in front of the minor, miming records."
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"What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them."
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"Barry Goldwater has definitely decided to be a candidate in '64. He will campaign in all thirteen states."
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"The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real."
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"Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown."
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"My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. "You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits." And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity."
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"O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers."
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"Everything that you know about yourself comes from thinking back, and I think I saw religion as the first big betrayal of me."
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"As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing."
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"I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and the gram was three quarters gone, I'd start wishing it was nine o'clock and hoping the guy got up early. But, of course, he didn't sleep either, so there was no sweat. During all those years, I was always looking forward to the next snort or the next guy I could score from."
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