Quote collection
193 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing."
"People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare."
"I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be encouraging fat people who are exercising to do it, not pointing and laughing."
"There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go."
"There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society."
"The problem with comedy audiences - it's like the Coliseum - when they see someone struggling, they don't feel altruistic towards them. They feel slightly repulsed by it."
"I read that book Fat is a Feminist issue, got a bit desperate halfway through and ate it."
"I'm not really a churchy person, although I do think Jesus was a good bloke."
"I have two brothers and we basically spent our lives playing in the woods, falling in ponds, getting chased by wasps and riding donkeys that we shouldn't have been riding."
"I took my husband to the hospital yesterday to have 17 stitches out - that'll teach him to buy me a sewing kit for my birthday."
"And I also felt that no one in an audience could abuse me worse than the sort of abuse I had had at work as a psychiatric nurse."
"There are problems with nursing - such as the issue of nurses all having to do degrees these days. But that doesn’t mean to say the entire infrastructure of nursing is falling about and that it is populated by unfeeling psychopaths, which is, frankly, the implication sometimes."
"I think there's a far more general audience now because I've done more populist stuff on telly."
"When I was at school you got an overall general education, on many things, even just basic facts."
"School was great. There were no boys there, which didn't really bother me at the time because I had two brothers, so I was quite pleased not to spend any more time with boys."
"I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now."
"I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is what I hope I'm doing."
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
"My mum always felt that women deserved as much as men, and should have as much power, so I suppose I opted to go into a very male-dominated arena to try and prove that."
"You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please."