Lewis Black

Comedian, Actor, Author

Lewis Black is a stand-up comedian and actor known for his incisive humor and commentary on societal issues, particularly through his work on 'The Daily Show.'

Funny Thinking People Humor Country Years

Born: August 30, 1948
Quotes: 269
Rank: #5342

Quote collection

Lewis Black quotes (page 10 of 14)

269 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"[The Weather Channel] is the most watched cable channel in America. I'll repeat that. It is the most watched cable channel in America. They were worried about the terrorists immobilizing us, and a portion of our countrymen watch weather. 'Kay, you don't get any more immobile than that... unless you're in a goddamn coma. That means you're saying, "I'd go to the window, but it's too far." If you want to know what the weather is you go to a window and stick your hand out and if you want to know what the temperature is you drive by a bank."

Mean Hands Weather

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke."

Strokes

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"It's 2003. Why can't I teleport?"

Progress

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"In Canada I'm not dealing with people who are bringing in baggage, they just get it. But New Orleans will be a bit different. If there's a group of people who have a right to be bitter, it's the people of New Orleans."

New Orleans People Different

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"Everybody's family has different values."

Different Different Values Values

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity."

Stupid Stupidity Obvious

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States. She said, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

Horse College Years

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out."

Feelings Want Want Him

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that."

Couple Stories Sometimes

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic, and I look forward to a new day. I pick up 'The New York Times,' and I look at the front page and realize that once again I'm wrong. I start to fixate on stuff."

Morning New York Optimistic

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"I have N'Sync and Aerosmith and Britney Spears. I have a trifecta from hell."

Hell Aerosmith Sync

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die."

Generations Want Couches

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?"

Iraq Giving Waiting

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college."

Horse College Years

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter."

Father Labs Nine

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if you don't have a sense of what the common good is, then at least give to what you think your specific goods are."

School Thinking Giving

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich."

Tomorrow Rich Stills

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis."

People Psychotic Midst

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation"

Dawn Eating Turns

Read quote 3 likes

Lewis Black Comedian, Actor, Author

Popular

"I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck ,so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it."

Stress Trying Way

Read quote 3 likes