"I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough."
Read quote
4 likes
Quote collection
Lewis Black quotes (page 9 of 14)
269 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Here's why I think there's something a little odd with George Bush. Because a lot of the times when he speaks, his words don't match his face. Something is askew. You can't talk about the war with a smile on your face. He does it constantly. If you're the President, you should go We're going to talk about the war, I must have a frowny face. The only time you can smile when you're talking about the war in Iraq is when you go, Well, two Iraqis walk into a bar, hahaha."
Read quote
4 likes
"sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers"
Read quote
4 likes
"I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not."
Read quote
4 likes
"This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole."
Read quote
3 likes
"How our government works... it doesn't."
Read quote
3 likes
"In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs."
Read quote
3 likes
"My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform."
Read quote
3 likes
"In a series of wonderful essays, Evan Handler gives himself up to us - warts and all. To our amusement and bemusement we share in his emotional growth as he struggles to mature. I not only laughed along with him but felt that I too had grown a little along the way. Who could ask for more?"
Read quote
3 likes
"My hate of Apple has moved into a hate of Facebook."
Read quote
3 likes
"Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!"
Read quote
3 likes
"My review of 2001, the year, is the same as my review of 2001: A Space Odyssey. It went on too long, it was hard to follow, and you could only enjoy it if you were really, really, *really* stoned."
Read quote
3 likes
"I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been."
Read quote
3 likes
"The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either."
Read quote
3 likes
"People would be a lot better off if they'd enjoy being single."
Read quote
3 likes
"On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes."
Read quote
3 likes
"I love anything that gets me outside of my own head."
Read quote
3 likes
"I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic."
Read quote
3 likes
"I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe."
Read quote
3 likes
"When you're done [with writing a book], people tell you "Well, gee, I'm not interested." "Great, I'm glad I sat down and wrote this!""
Read quote
3 likes