"Some people have religion as a means of solace. But, I had a dreidel, so that was out."
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Quote collection
Lewis Black quotes (page 11 of 14)
269 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars."
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"I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else."
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"FEMA I always thought was a bone here in your ass."
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"You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!"
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"For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my own. Then it dawned on me: That's not what I think; that's what married people think."
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"Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer."
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"There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power."
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"What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding."
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"It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!"
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"Whenever someone says they believe the earth was created in 7 days, I grab a fossil and say, Fossil. And if they keep talking, I throw it just over their heads."
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"The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable."
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"I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment."
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"My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't get passed on to my generation."
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"The Droid I had actually seemed to have free will, which I thought was interesting."
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"Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit."
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"You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy."
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"I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation."
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"This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are... and when I find you I am going to kill you."
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"I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked."
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