"A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!"
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Quote collection
Lewis Black quotes (page 2 of 14)
269 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day."
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"My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes"
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"Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots."
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"North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from."
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"Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness."
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"You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal."
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"The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there's a ton of it left over."
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"If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself."
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"In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants."
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"We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas."
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"These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary."
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"If there is hell, it was modeled after junior high school."
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"I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka."
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"The thing is, whenever I see Hillary Clinton, I feel like I have to vote for her. She makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should vote for her so that she'll feel better about herself because she'd been in such a bad marriage."
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"There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye."
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"You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work."
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"When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is."
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"It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!"
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"The Republicans are the party of bad ideas. The Democrats are the party of no ideas."
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