“Some years ago I became president of Columbia University and learned within 24 hours to be ready to speak at the drop of a hat, and I learned something more, the trustees were expected to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 216 of 1263
“You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”
“Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is "elephant".”
“So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."”
“Dancing is very important nowadays. No girl will look at you if you can't dance.”
“Riches and honor are what everyone desires, but if they can be gained only by doing evil, they must not be held. Don't worry about not being in office, worry about qualifying yourself for office. Don't worry that no one knows you, but seek to be worthy of being known.”
“The funniest people are the saddest once”
“Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.”
“Anytime that the Arizona Cardinals play football, I scream at the top of my lungs at the television. And I have certain dances that I do.”
“If I have one, I'll have thirteen. No, there ain't no in-betwee. Cuz the more I drink, the more I drink, the more I drink.”
“Humor - it helps to make the vibe better - it loosens up the vibrations.”
“Once you look past the hype, actors are nothing more than fugitives from reality who specialize in contradiction: we are both children and hardened adults—wide-eyed pupils and jaded working stiffs.”
“Know the difference between a catastrophe and an inconvenience. - To realize that it's just an inconvenience, that it is not a catastrophe, but just an unpleasantness, is part of coming into your own, part of waking up.”
“I am big. It's the pictures that got small.”
“[On Washington, D.C.:] a town of successful men and the women they married before they were successful.”
“People in Washington seem as hypnotized by precedence as though they were hens with their beaks on a chalk line.”
“I think anybody can take a good picture. My idea of a good picture is one that's in focus and of a famous person doing something unfamous. It's being in the right place at the wrong time.”
“After my screen test, the director clapped his hands gleefully and yelled: “She can't talk! She can't act! She's sensational!””
“What person, confined in a small room with nothing but a tea-cosy, will not eventually put the tea-cosy on their head?”
“if you'd ever had a grown-up daughter you'd know that by comparison a bucking steer is easy to manage. And as to knowing what goes on inside her - well, it's much better to pretend you're the simple, innocent old fool she almost certainly takes you for.”