“I do not understand why, when I ask for grilled lobster in a restaurant, I'm never served a cooked telephone.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 218 of 1263
“I only came for Cake" -Tobias Eaton, Divergent”
“There's like ten minutes when it's like, 'Okay, wait, who is this guy again?' And then, you know, I just put on the calculator watch and the glasses, and just be all, you know, inappropriate. And then it just works out fine.”
“I think God has a tremendous sense of humor.”
“Puns are the droppings of soaring wits.”
“Hair is another name for sex.”
“So . . . middle school? Awkward.Having a hobby that's different from everyone else's? Awkward. Singing the national anthem on weekends instead of going to sleepovers? More awkward. Braces? Awkward. Gain a lot of weight before you hit the growth spurt? Awkward. Frizzy hair, don't embrace the curls yet? Awkward. Try to straighten it? Awkward!So many phases!”
“We dare not trust our wit for making our house pleasant to our friend, so we buy ice cream.”
“Men don't want anything they get too easy. But on the other hand, men lose interest quickly.”
“Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.”
“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,' the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
“Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.”
“Of course, like all the informal inhabitants of the University the roaches were a little unusual, but there was something particularly unpleasant about the sound of billions of very small feet hitting the stones in perfect time. Rincewind stepped gingerly over the marching column. The Librarian jumped it. The Luggage, of course, followed them with a noise like someone tapdancing over a bag of crisps.”
“So, mistletoe, in fact, symbolizes mistletoe.”
“Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries.”
“I thought unicorns were more . . . Fluffy.”
“It's not going to do any good to land on Mars if we're stupid.”
“Only one letter divides the comic from the cosmic.”
“I never once failed at making a light bulb. I just found out 99 ways not to make one.”
“It was an ideal day for football - too cold for the spectators and too cold for the players.”