Quote collection
360 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I stopped drinking when I had children because I wanted to be awake and aware. I did not want to be going, you know, daddy loves you and then drop my head on the table. I do not want to miss anything that they do or say. It is important to me."
"We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you"
"I know size can be daunting but don't be afraid."
"If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there."
"You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'"
"To make fun of an administration, to make fun of anything, Mark Twain said, is the last defense of democracy."
"Be prepared for luck."
"Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother"
"The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!"
"Death - to blink for an exceptionally long period of time."
"Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public. Once you step on stage you're licensed to do that. It's an understood relationship. You walk on stage - it's your job."
"We were romantics. We didn't just read poetry. We let it drip from our tongues like honey. Spirits soared. Women swooned, and gods were created, gentlemen. Not a bad way to spend an evening, eh?"
"I have no desire to go anywhere near drugs. People say, "Aren't you tempted?" No, because of the ridiculousness of it."
"I never performed on drugs. That'd be stupid. It's the same thing with athletes. They can't perform when they have cocaine problems."
"People would say I never censor. As Billy Crystal says, 'I don't have that button.'"
"We were totally opposite - me coming from the West Coast and a junior college, and him [ Christopher Reeve] from the hard-core Ivy League. He used to be the studly studly of all studlies, and I was the little fool ferret boy."
"Cocaine for me was a place to hide. Most people get hyper on coke. It slowed me down. Sometimes it made me paranoid and impotent, but mostly it just made me withdrawn."
"Ronald Reagan is the world's largest Muppet."
"The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard."
"It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp"