Quote collection
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Early in my career it was very important that I gain the reputation. I haven't been on the road in two or three years, but when I say tickets are on sale, I know they're going to be gone, even if my movie bombed or my TV show sucked."
"Carol Leifer is funny, really funny."
"Though part of me had always wanted to be a comedian, another part of me had always wanted to be Bryant Gumbel or Dan Rather."
"Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids."
"If you're the president you only have two jobs: peace and money."
"Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth - hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!"
"I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking."
"There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD."
"You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?"
"When you make comedy, you make it for the people and you try to have as many screenings and as many tests and you do focus groups and you read the cards and you try to give the people what they want in this comedy."
"When you make drama you are like Picasso. Drama is whatever you want it to be."
"It used to take years to become a junkie. But crack cut that down to 37 minutes."
"Artistically I'm curious. But in life? No. I can go to a restaurant and order the same thing for 10 years."
"Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep."
"I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!"
"I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack."
"Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her."
"The U.S government hates rap music"
"If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'"
"Hollywood's just not funny."