Quote collection
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that."
"Relationships, easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie! ‘Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can’t get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act, sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative!"
"The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other."
"People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That's just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad."
"Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location."
"I saw the yearbook picture. There was six of them! I ain't have six friends in high school, I don't have six friends now! That's three on three with a half court."
"You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched."
"If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you."
"You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war !"
"Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse."
"Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes."
"Yeah, it's unfair that you can get judged by something you didn't do, but it's also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn't work for."
"School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man."
"Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!"
"A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage."
"The government doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs."
"You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips."
"Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?"
"I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?""
"Babies don't know who's rich and who's poor. You love 'em and they're happy."