"If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment."
"I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things."
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Source: Dave Allen's comic quotes, news.bbc.co.uk. March 11, 2005.
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"We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock."
"Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you."
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"My church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, twenties."
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