"Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons."
Read quote
3 likes
Quote collection
Dennis Miller quotes (page 11 of 13)
244 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"On Thursday, a passenger forced his way into the cockpit of a United Airlines flight from Miami, but was subdued after the co-pilot hit him with a small ax. Good to see our airlines are being kept secure by the latest in 12th century technology."
Read quote
3 likes
"Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?"
Read quote
3 likes
"So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim."
Read quote
3 likes
"Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!"
Read quote
3 likes
"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."
Read quote
3 likes
"Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so."
Read quote
3 likes
"If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!"
Read quote
3 likes
"When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele."
Read quote
3 likes
"Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in."
Read quote
3 likes
"If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again."
Read quote
3 likes
"I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son."
Read quote
3 likes
"I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years."
Read quote
3 likes
"I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends."
Read quote
3 likes
"Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?"
Read quote
3 likes
"I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference."
Read quote
3 likes
"But the biggest fake of the year, Paul Begala's last smile"
Read quote
3 likes
"Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts."
Read quote
3 likes
"Campaign analysts say that Dean has produced the most innovative web site in this year's presidential race. I particularly like today's blog, which consisted of the sentence 'I hate myself,' typed four billion times. In Dean's case, this may be the first instance where the actually entity represented by the web site has crashed more often than the site did."
Read quote
3 likes
"Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm. Stewart then showed her audience how to make a festive, quick-burning yule log out of freshly-shredded financial documents."
Read quote
3 likes