"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."
"A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error."
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Source: Dennis Miller (2011). “Ranting Again”, p.31, Main Street Books
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"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."
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