Quote collection
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're both breathless. They crash . . . you add a longer tail . . . you patch and comfort, adjust and teach. You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they'll fly."
"Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?"
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."
"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
"Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead."
"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."
"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
"No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed."
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States."
"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
"Cats invented self-esteem."
"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."
"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."
"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex."
"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."