"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
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Quote collection
Erma Bombeck quotes (page 3 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners."
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"All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them."
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"I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars."
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"It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."
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"Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven."
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"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
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"He who laughs.....lasts."
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"Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up."
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"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
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"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
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"I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night."
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"Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother."
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"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
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"A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up."
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"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
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"I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive."
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"Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair."
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"Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them."
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"A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight."
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