"Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth."
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Quote collection
Erma Bombeck quotes (page 15 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede."
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"Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain."
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"There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot."
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"The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?"
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"My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!"
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"Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated."
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"Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted."
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"Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met."
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"When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others."
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"Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married."
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"I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore."
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"Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not."
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"A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel."
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"It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today."
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"For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy."
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"There would have been more 'I love you's' and more, 'I'm sorry's'."
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"My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job."
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"We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)"
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"A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect."
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