Sigmund Freud
Neurologist, Psychoanalyst
"If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears."
Funny Marriage quotes
Funny Marriage
72 quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
Kin Hubbard
Cartoonist, Humorist
"If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest."
Shelley Winters
Actress
"Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife."
Bette Davis
Actress
"An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know."
Thomas Mann
Novelist
"We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities."
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Funny Marriage quotes (page 1 of 4)
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"All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage."
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"You have no idea of the women I didn't marry."
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"Bigamy ? It's having one wife too much... ...Monogamy ? It's the same."
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"The definition of eternity is two people and a ham."
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13 likes
"You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?"
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"If Marilyn is in love with my husband it proves she has good taste, for I am in love with him too."
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"There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will."
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"Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did."
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"If he's getting married, he's not longer interesting."
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7 likes
"And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate."
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6 likes
"Marriage is like retiring as a bachelor and getting a sexual pension. You don't have to work for the sex any more, but you only get 65% as much."
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"She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress."
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"Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit out of it."
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"Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time."
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"The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted."
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"Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone."
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"If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams"
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