Quote collection
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other."
"The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot."
"There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush."
"Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes."
"We are all precancerous."
"Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right."
"I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind."
"Somebody once said that Hollywood is based on a lot of producers deliberately making bad movies, and every now and then somebody gets lucky."
"If anyone e-mails you something "by George Carlin," there's a 99 percent chance I did not write it. I didn't write "Paradox Of Our Time." I didn't write "George Carlin On Aging." I didn't write a eulogy for my wife after she died. I didn't write the New Orleans thing. I didn't write "I Am A Bad American." None of them. You know what I've decided to do? I'm going to get a little cheap put-it-together-yourself website called NotMe.com."
"When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are."
"There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the "hail fellow well met" camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful."
"The patterns became even more vivid at Cardinal Hayes High School. That's when I began failing subjects and running away from home for days at a time."
"I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky."
"I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me."
"An outsider longing to be on the inside is the same as the soloist longing to work in an ensemble. I get great satisfaction in being a part of the proper - for me - community. I'm uncomfortable with various social groupings and clusterings. But when I'm in the right group, doing the right thing, I get as much satisfaction out of that as anyone who does it all the time."
"I am not a difficult man by any stretch, and I'm saying that with a full and honest inventory going on. I'm not. And I'm not angry on stage. There is a heightening. There is an intensification of the feelings on stage in order to let them carry the room. There is a theatricality about it. The whole thing is oratory, so there's persuasion involved. There's the art of rhetoric involved. And so, with hyperbole and with the desire to really punch the thing home, some of it reads a little more angry."
"I'm a believer that things happen. Fate is what happens."
"I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject."
"The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash."
"I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening."