"I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 42 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."
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"It was just a compulsion. In fact, I soon realized that the only thing I really enjoyed was the actual snorting."
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"I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew."
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"Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work."
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"I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so."
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"Rhetoric paints with a broad brush."
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"Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing."
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"The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill."
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"Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on?"
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"Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?"
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"I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration."
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"Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me."
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"So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course."
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"People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it."
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"I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else."
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"I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing."
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"More people write poetry than read it."
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"Where do we get our values from?"
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"I think the trend to control speech - and therefore thought - continues. Because of the freer flow of information now, there's more on the side of free thought."
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