"They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce."
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Humorous quotes
Humorous
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Humorous quotes (page 25 of 81)
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"Ask the young. They know everything."
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"A footman may swear; but he cannot swear like a lord. He can swear as often: but can he swear with equal delicacy, propriety, and judgment?"
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"Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person."
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"The tongue offends and the ears get the cuffing"
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"The poor have little; beggars, none; the rich, too much; enough, not one."
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"Mary's mouth cost her nothing for she never opens it but at others' expense."
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"Into love and out again, Thus I went and thus I go. Spare your voice, and hold your pen: Well and bitterly I know All the songs were ever sung, All the words were ever said; Could it be, when I was young, Someone dropped me on my head?"
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"It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster."
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"Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land."
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"... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose."
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"In this book I do not intend to give a blow-by-blow description of a sex bout: I find them inartistic, clinical and unpoetic. The circumstances that lead up to sex I find more interesting."
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"Reinforce what you want to see repeated.What gets rewarded gets done."
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"Manage by objectives. Tell people exactly what you want them to do and then get out of their way."
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"Brothers are a blessing for one thing. There is no possibility of any young lady getting unreasonably conceited if she be endowed with them."
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"Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward! Thou little valiant, great in villainy! Thou ever strong upon the stronger side! Thou Fortune's champion, that dost never fight But where her humorous ladyship is by To teach thee safety."
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"Dressing is a matter of taste, and I've met very few Republicans with good taste."
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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment."
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"Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka."
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"The heart wants what it wants."
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