Humorous quotes
1.6K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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Browse quotes that often appear alongside humorous — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
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"I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well."
"One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!"
"And yet the motives of women are so inscrutable. You remember the woman at Margate whom I suspected for the same reason. No powder on her nose - that proved to be the correct solution. How can you build on such a quicksand? Their most trivial action may mean volumes, or their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin or a curling tongs."
"Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business."
"He that plays the king shall be welcome- his Majesty shall have tribute of me; the adventurous knight shall use his foil and target; the lover shall not sigh gratis; the humorous man shall end his part in peace; the clown shall make those laugh whose lungs are tickle o' th' sere; and the lady shall say her mind freely, or the blank verse shall halt fort."
"It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him."
"Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right."
"At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings."
"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable."
"Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds."
"A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers."
"No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames."
"Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable."
"If Blake said that, said Father Brian, he never lived in Dublin."
"I really like the Observer. I think I'd love to have a column with a broad reach that would enable me to do some proper reporting, but keep it on sort of a humorous level. I've always had a very happy experience writing for them."
"From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue, has three hotels on every lot, and no matter how often it tossed the dice you just knew it would never land on Go to Jail, it would be forever passing Go and collecting $200."
"A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice."
"The theoretical broadening which comes from having many humanities subjects on the campus is offset by the general dopiness of the people who study these things."
"Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich."
"Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother"
