"Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury."
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Quote collection
John Oliver quotes (page 2 of 7)
125 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!"
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"I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people."
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"The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked."
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"Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect."
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"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word."
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"Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back."
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"You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'"
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"It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa."
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"You don't need people's opinion on a fact."
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"I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior."
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"Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to."
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"Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest."
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"There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes."
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"I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things."
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"I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas."
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"Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper."
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"I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have."
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"Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people."
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"When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking."
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