"If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring."
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John Oliver quotes (page 4 of 7)
125 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist."
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"I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis."
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"Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels."
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"You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter."
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"You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent."
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"I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything."
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"You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job."
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"You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting."
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"My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler."
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"I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead."
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"I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go."
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"Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing."
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"Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can."
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"If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion."
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"I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget."
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"People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character."
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"I don't know if there is some psychological thing of wanting to know where your doctor got his degree from before he comes into the medical room."
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"When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain."
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"I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is."
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