"What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?"
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Quote collection
Johnny Carson quotes (page 3 of 8)
142 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Believe me, you don't walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away."
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"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
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"I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and the fact that I make money at it - big money - is a fine-and-dandy side fact."
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"A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island."
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"New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved."
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"It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself"."
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"The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear."
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"Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties."
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"I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can't eat but one steak at a time. I don't want but one woman. It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth."
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"I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales."
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"Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized."
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"People will pay more to be entertained than educated."
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"The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In sex. In spiritual values. In opposition to wars no one wants. In opposition to government big-brotherhood. In civil rights. In basic human goals. They're all facets of a general upheaval."
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"I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty."
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"I've worked ever since I was a kid with a two-bit kit of magic tricks trying to improve my skills at entertaining whatever public I had - and to make myself ready, whenever the breaks came, to entertain a wider and more demanding public."
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"I don't run with anybody's herd. I don't like crowds. I don't like going to fancy places. I don't like the whole nightclub scene. Cocktail parties drive me mad. So I do my job and I stay away from the rest of it."
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"Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money."
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"I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them."
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"Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions."
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