"If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts."
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Quote collection
Johnny Carson quotes (page 4 of 8)
142 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day."
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"There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, "It was all right but I liked the book better.""
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"I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business."
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"Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard."
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"There's only one critic whose opinion I really value, in the final analysis: Johnny Carson. I have never needed any entourage standing around bolstering my ego. I'm secure. I know exactly who and what I am. I don't need to be told. I make no apologies for being the way I am."
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"I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it."
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"I couldn't care less what anybody says about me. I live my life, especially my personal life, strictly for myself... Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized. I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you."
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"If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace."
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"From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a loner. I get claustrophobia if a lot of people are around."
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"I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours."
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"The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered."
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"How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?"
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"The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money."
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"I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and vindictive and everybody gets more and more hurt. There's not enough honesty about marriage, I think. I wish more people would face the truth about their marital situations."
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"Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.'"
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"I can't go anywhere without being bugged by somebody. I'd love to just hike out down the street, or drop in a restaurant, or wander in the park, or take my kids somewhere without collecting a trail of people. But I can't."
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"Talking about sexual morality, I wouldn't agree that it's declining, but it's certainly changing. Young and old, we are very much in the process of taking a fresh look at the whole issue of morality. The only decline that's taking place - and it's about time - is in the old puritanical concept that sex is equated with sin."
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"An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?"
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"Only lie about the future."
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