"There's a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don't think that's what Christ was talking about."
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Quote collection
Lewis Black quotes (page 13 of 14)
269 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I can be drunk until 6 in the morning, and then I don't have to show up to work until 14 hours later."
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"As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic."
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"Everybody's got cable."
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"Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker."
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"If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist."
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"Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise."
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"It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'"
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"I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't tell me what you're going to do. Just say "I'd really like to do solar energy but I'm not going to be able to. I really want to dig holes everywhere in the country but I really won't be able to do it because people seem to think that maybe my water will be screwed up.""
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"I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me to come up with things, because I don't write stuff, I don't write my act down."
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"I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?""
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"The kids say golf taught them this and that. I get it with the military: A guy joins the military because he needs discipline and has to find himself. But don't tell me, 'Golf helps you find yourself.' I've been playing my whole life, and I'm still looking for myself."
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"I really wanted to talk about the War on Terror and say that both sides were completely incompetent [in addressing it]. You can't blame the other side when you're involved in it."
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"I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not."
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"I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get."
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"I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that."
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"The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope."
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"It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff."
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"I've been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they deserve. And it's nice, if you've put in the time, to achieve that recognition."
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"What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group."
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