"The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really?"
Read quote
8 likes
Quote collection
Lewis Black quotes (page 5 of 14)
269 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping."
Read quote
8 likes
"It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!"
Read quote
8 likes
"You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over."
Read quote
8 likes
"I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth."
Read quote
7 likes
"Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that."
Read quote
7 likes
"I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional?"
Read quote
7 likes
"I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee."
Read quote
7 likes
"Everybody's always asking me about my blood pressure. They did an interview once where they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine and they'd rile me. I'd yell and scream, and then it would just go back to normal in a few minutes. Everything else is probably rotting, but the blood pressure is spectacular."
Read quote
7 likes
"All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew."
Read quote
7 likes
"What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to do with budgeting? It's like if you have a family budget and go, 'We really don't know what to take out economically from the budget, so we're going to whack out protein for this week.'"
Read quote
7 likes
"It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity."
Read quote
7 likes
"I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person."
Read quote
7 likes
"In Vegas, you have an audience you can't find anywhere else. It's from all over the country. You play Seattle, everyone's from Seattle. But in Vegas, you have six from Seattle, a bunch from L.A., some local Las Vegans and maybe a farmer from Iowa. In Vegas, you learn the ins and outs of holding a room because of that great spectrum of folks."
Read quote
7 likes
"I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing."
Read quote
7 likes
"I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there's been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There's so much of "they don't know this, and they don't know that," and they're always denigrating."
Read quote
7 likes
"When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our economy depends on you! You should be out there buying stuff.'"
Read quote
7 likes
"Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share."
Read quote
7 likes
"If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them."
Read quote
7 likes
"What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks."
Read quote
7 likes