"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
"If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once."
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Source: Mark Russell, Shannon Wheeler “God Is Disappointed In You”, Top Shelf Productions
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"The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it."
"Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business."
"You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!"
"I think you can't write with anger. I think it always has to be with a wink. There always has to be an element of hope in what you write. Otherwise you're just getting mad and it's not going to be fun for anybody."
"People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television."