"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
"Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business."
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More quotes by Mark Russell
"The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it."
"You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!"
"I think you can't write with anger. I think it always has to be with a wink. There always has to be an element of hope in what you write. Otherwise you're just getting mad and it's not going to be fun for anybody."
"People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television."
"I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner."