“You can't tell a good story without conflict - the story can't be beautiful or meaningful. We're taught to run from conflict, and it's robbing us of some really good stories.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 104 of 1263
“I think a guy who's had just the right amount of booze can sing the blues a hell of a lot better than a guy who is stone sober.”
“I treated her like a pair of gloves. When I was cold, I called her up.”
“The thing I like most about dogs is their absolute belief in their own innocence, even when they've been caught redhanded. No matter what they've been doing, every bad dog bears the same look when scolded: "What?"”
“The thing all writers do best is find ways to avoid writing.”
“Editing might be a bloody trade. But knives aren't the exclusive property of butchers. Surgeons use them too.”
“What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots.”
“Brother, if you want to get the lowdown, Come along and let's all have a hoedown.”
“The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it.”
“If there's anything I hate more than not being taken seriously, it's being taken too seriously.”
“My little computer said such a funny thing this morning.”
“'The tea is coming!' ...she may want a martini, but make her drink tea.”
“Rule 1: When all else fails, follow instructions. And Rule 2: Don't be an asshole.”
“Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.”
“The first person who ever told me that happiness was work was this manic-depressive artist I knew when I was in my 20s. I was like, 'What are you talking about? Happiness just happens. That's even the root of that word. How could it be work?”
“It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.”
“I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?”
“Of one thing there is no doubt: if Paris makes demands of the heart, then Munich makes demands of the stomach.”
“Mere animals couldn’t possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid.”
“All women need makeup. Don't let anybody tell you different. The only woman who was pretty enough to go without makeup was Elizabeth Taylor and she wore a ton.”