“"Am I weird?" "Yeah. But so what? Everybody's weird."”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 102 of 1263
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'”
“I wanted alot of tattoos but I never thought I was gonna be this rediculous.”
“The American: a titan enamored of progress, a fanatical giant who worships "getting things done" but never asks himself what he is doing nor why he is doing it.”
“Most players don't mind drug testing once they realize they don't have to study for it.”
“Yeah school girl, cool girl. Your dress is sexy and your momma is a cougar.”
“My mom used to say it doesn't matter how many kids you have... because one kid'll take up 100% of your time so more kids can't possibly take up more than 100% of your time.”
“The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.”
“Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.”
“Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.”
“Sending us Ebola bombs in the form of sweaty Glaswegians just isn't cricket.”
“There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.”
“I'm going to steal the Declaration of Independence.”
“Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.”
“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
“I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.”
“When I look back at the past and think of all the time I squandered in error and idleness,... then my heart bleeds. Life is a gift... every minute could have been an eternity of happiness! If only youth knew! Now my life will change; now I will be reborn.”
“Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.”
“Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.”
“My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.”