“Everything is funny, if you can laugh at it.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 106 of 1263
“I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.”
“You don't have to live the blues to play the blues.”
“Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.”
“A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.”
“Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.”
“Americans are incredibly inpatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.”
“I try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.”
“I only watch TV when I go to hotels.”
“Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers.”
“Our notions of what a human being is problematically depend on there being two coherent genders. And if someone doesn't comply with either the masculine norm or the feminine norm, their very humaness is called into question.”
“Religions change; beer and wine remain.”
“Pretending is a very valuable life skill.”
“I think the very word stalking implies that you're not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called 'fluffy harmless observation time'.”
“If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.”
“I don't know who named them swells. There's nothing swell about them. They should have named them awfuls.”
“In the dog-eat-dog economy, the Doberman is boss.”
“The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.”
“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.”
“It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.”