“The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 125 of 1263
“Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say No when they mean Yes, and drive a man out of his wits for the fun of it.”
“The Opposite of Love is not hate, but power”
“In wine, there's truth.”
“We have too many high-sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.”
“Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.”
“I think humor is a really important way of creating solidarity - like, through humor you can make people realize that certain situations, where they thought they were alone, are actually shared by everyone.”
“He who laughs.....lasts.”
“All wars are follies, very expensive and very mischievous ones. In my opinion, there never was a good war or a bad peace. When will mankind be convinced and agree to settle their difficulties by arbitration?”
“I don't know what reception I'm at, but for God's sake give me a gin and tonic.”
“Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.”
“Writing is like going to bed with a beautiful woman and afterwards she gets up, goes to her purse and gives me a handful of money.”
“Someone asked me yesterday if Dracula met Saruman and there was a fight, who would win. I just looked at this man. What an idiotic thing to say. I mean, really, it was half-witted.”
“As time went on, we learned to arm ourselves in our different ways. Some of us with real guns, some of us with more ephemeral weapons, an idea or improbable plan or some sort of formulation about how best to move through the world. An idea that will let us be. Protect us and keep us safe. But a weapon nonetheless.”
“To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end.”
“Ladies, here's a hint. If you're up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the hardest shot for the well-endowed.”
“Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.”
“I think the play offers (white Americans) a different way to look at black Americans For instance, in 'Fences' they see a garbageman, a person they don't really look at, although they see a garbageman every day. By looking at Troy's life, white people find out that the content of this black garbageman's life is affected by the same things- love, honor, beauty, betrayal, duty. Recognizing that these things are as much part of his life as theirs can affect how they think about and deal with black people in their lives.”
“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. And let my liver rather heat with wine, than my heart cool with mortifying groans.”
“I get my exercise being a pallbearer for those of my friends who believed in regular running and calisthenics.”