“If a man ordered a beer milk shake, he thought, he'd better do it in a town where he wasn't known.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 168 of 1263
“My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.”
“Only in this world do we laugh: in hell, it won't be possible; and in heaven, it won't be proper.”
“There's a blush for won't, and a blush for shan't, and a blush for having done it: There's a blush for thought and a blush for naught, and a blush for just begun it.”
“I married first, won the Oscar before Olivia (sister Olivia de Havilland) did, and if I die first, she'll undoubtedly be livid because I beat her to it!”
“Thou shalt not take moochers into thy hut?”
“If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.”
“I have killed no men, that, in the first place, didn't deserve killing”
“Well, as everyone knows, once witchcraft gets started, there's no stopping it.”
“Sharing with Jupiter is never a dishonor.”
“Anything happens in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.”
“When you deal with a man, deal with his most valuable possession, his life. There's play and there's the deep flow. I like to take things to the deep flow of play, because everything is a game, serious and nonserious at the same time. So play life like it's a game.”
“Sometimes I like to play the soundtracks to famous musicals so we can all sing along. South Pacific is one of my favorites. Our neighbors must hate us.”
“I like to write when I feel spiteful; it's like having a good sneeze.”
“The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.”
“They criticize me for harping on the obvious; if all the folks in the United States would do the few simple things they know they ought to do, most of our big problems would take care of themselves.”
“Perhaps this is why lunatics have a harder time dating, not because they are off the wall but because it is hard to find soemone who is willing to date so many people in one person.”
“Amateurs built the Ark; Professionals built the Titanic.”
“Do the Clam, do the Clam, grab your barefoot baby by the hand.”
“Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate.”