“The chicken did not cross the road. The road passed beneath the chicken.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 170 of 1263
“I enjoy playing the audience like a piano.”
“Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.”
“There is nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever.”
“I am a deeply superficial person.”
“Margarine? That's not food. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? I can. If you're planning on using margarine in anything, you can stop reading now, because I won't be able to help you.”
“Pure logic is the ruin of the spirit.”
“I think it is funny that we were freer about sexuality in the 4th century B.C. It is a little disconcerting.”
“Take your ass to the barber shop. Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole.”
“I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.”
“he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something”
“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
“If you see a whole thing - it seems that it's always beautiful. Planets, lives... But up close a world's all dirt and rocks. And day to day, life's a hard job, you get tired, you lose the pattern.”
“To have news value is to have a tin can tied to one's tail.”
“If you are idle, be not solitary; if you are solitary be not idle.”
“At the end of the day, nobody can tell you how to tackle failure or how to handle change. The world is very good at encouraging you to go along with the status quo and at basking in your successes.”
“I can hear sweat trickling down your cheek Your heartbeat sound like Sasquatch feet Thundering, shaking the concrete.”
“Erecting the 'wall of separation between church and state'... is absolutely essential in a free society.”
“If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?”
“Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it”