“I should like to know which is worse: to be ravished a hundred times by pirates, and have a buttock cut off, and run the gauntlet of the Bulgarians, and be flogged and hanged in an auto-da-fe, and be dissected, and have to row in a galley -- in short, to undergo all the miseries we have each of us suffered -- or simply to sit here and do nothing?' That is a hard question,' said Candide.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 208 of 1263
“As a ballplayer, (Dizzy) Dean was a natural phenomenon, like the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef. Nobody ever taught him baseball and he never had to learn. He was just doing what came naturally when a scout named Don Curtis discovered him on a Texas sandlot and gave him his first contract.”
“I have known writers who paid no damned attention whatever to the rules of grammar and rhetoric and somehow made the language behave for them.”
“Now it is done. Now the story ends. And there is no way to tell it. The art of fiction is dead. Reality has strangled invention.”
“You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.”
“Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.”
“There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun.”
“That isn't writing at all, it's typing.”
“To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.”
“It's amazing how many people even today use a computer to do something you can do with a pencil and paper in less time.”
“There's a thin line between to laugh with and to laugh at.”
“Some members of Congress are among the best actors in the world.”
“It's really fun to be in a film that's pure entertainment, that people want to go and see. I think, in the current climate, the state of things, people want escapism.”
“I wouldn't eat a chicken if it dropped dead in front of me holding up a sign that said, Eat Me.”
“We're living on the Planet of the Apes. Is that funny or serious?”
“A Discordian is someone who sees windmills and thinks they might be giants”
“All the fun is in how you say a thing.”
“A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.”
“You can't drink on an eight hour flight, pass out, and then go onstage... well you can, but then you're Spandau Ballet.”
“B is for Breasts Of which ladies have two; Once prized for the function, Now for the view.”