“Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides. 'So — after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating —' 'Jordan!' growled Professor McGonagall. 'I mean after that open and revolting foul —' 'Jordan, I'm warning you —' 'All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I'm sure, so a penalty to Gryffindor, taken by Spinnet, who puts it away, no trouble, and we continue play, Gryffindor still in possession.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 210 of 1263
“And I like large parties. They’re so intimate. At small parties there isn’t any privacy.”
“I am really good at making Top Ramen. I also love it when my mom makes vegetarian lasagna for me.”
“There is, of course, a world of difference between cricket and the movie business ... I suppose doing a love scene with Racquel Welch roughly corresponds to scoring a century be fore lunch.”
“We have sex like Kenyan marathon runners.”
“I was sacked from Dunkin' Donuts for squirting the donuts jelly all over the customers.”
“Mistaken regard for what are believed to be divine laws and a sentimental belief in the sanctity of human life tend to prevent both the elimination of defective infants and the sterilization of such adults as are themselves of no value to the community. The laws of nature require the obliteration of the unfit and human life is valuable only when it is of use to the community or race.”
“Come up and see me sometime.”
“You don't have a man, you need spaghetti.”
“I took a straight picture that made me look like a thirty-year-old Italian who'd kill anybody who said something against his mother.”
“I beg your pardon I didn't recognise you - I've changed a lot.”
“Ridicule is the tribute paid to the genius by the mediocrities.”
“The proper basis for marriage is a mutual misunderstanding.”
“Football is all very well as a game for rough girls, but is hardly suitable for delicate boys.”
“Nature is a wet place where large numbers of ducks fly overhead uncooked.”
“When we make mistakes they call it evil. When God makes mistakes they call it Nature!”
“No matter which sex I went to bed with, I never smoked on the street”
“God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.”
“I was constantly being dragged out of movies for laughing too loud.”
“Once a crowd chased me for an autograph. "Beat it", I said, "go sit on a tack!" "We made you", they said. "Like hell you did", I told them.”