“It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 209 of 1263
“Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it's almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail, which now sends data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light.”
“I am unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event. Has England ever been quite so foul with patriotism? The 'dazzling royals' have, quite naturally, hi-jacked the Olympics for their own empirical needs, and no oppositional voice is allowed in the free press.”
“Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?”
“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”
“I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.”
“I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.”
“I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.”
“If you don't like bacteria, you're on the wrong planet.”
“The federal government has taken too much tax money from the people, too much authority from the states, and too much liberty with the Constitution.”
“Information is the oxygen of the modern age.”
“He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces.”
“When I was in junior high school, the teachers voted me the student most likely to end up in the electric chair.”
“A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.”
“Americans like fat books and thin women.”
“Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?”
“Thousands of years ago only Christ could walk on the water. Today anybody can do it; you just step on the garbage.”
“Life is boring. The weather is boring. Actors must not be boring.”
“Did you hear 'bout Ticklish Tom? He got tickled by his mom. Wiggled and giggled and fell on the floor, . . . . And all the more that he kept gigglin', All the more folks kept ticklin'. He shrieked and screamed and rolled around, Laughed his way right out of town. Through the country down the road, He got tickled by a toad. . . . . Giggling, rolling on his back He rolled on the railroad track. Rumble, rumble, whistle, roar- Tom ain't ticklish any more.”
“I had a rat-tail when I was younger. I had this nice Bobby Brown fade, with a rat-tail that was long enough to wrap around my face. I used to chew on the end and bite it.”