“When people talk as if the Crusades were nothing more than an aggressive raid against Islam, they seem to forget in the strangest way that Islam itself was only an aggressive raid against the old and ordered civilization in these parts. I do not say it in mere hostility to the religion of Mahomet; I am fully conscious of many values and virtues in it; but certainly it was Islam that was the invasion and Christendom that was the thing invaded.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 95 of 1263
“It's the people who try to be clever who never are; the people who are clever never think of trying to be.”
“Bury the dead. Say Robinson Crusoe was true to life. Well then Friday buried him. Every Friday buries a Thursday if you come to look at it.”
“Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.”
“One of the curious effects of a bad hangover is that you think you're wrong whether you are or not. Not wrong in particulars, but wrong in general, wrong about everything.”
“I don't suppose I can wear the flamingo tie," he said as he pulled on black socks. "It's a bit festive, given the occasion," I responded. "Can't wear it to the opera," said the Colonel, almost smiling. "Can't wear it to a funeral. Can't use it to hang myself. It's a bit useless, as ties go." I gave him a tie.”
“Money is the best deodorant.”
“The ground is my ocean, I’m the shark, and most people don’t even know how to swim.”
“We've all got out self-destructive bad habits, the trick is to find four or five you personally like the best and just do those all the time.”
“He once begged alms of a statue, and, when asked why he did so, replied, "To get practice in being refused."”
“I always just thought if you see somebody without a smile, give'em yours!”
“people run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water.”
“Mexicans are a band of illiterate Indians.”
“Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.”
“It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.”
“A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.”
“You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.”
“I hate the opera. I think I must have a tin ear. No matter how hard I concentrate it still sounds like a bunch of Italian chefs screaming risotto recipes at each other.”
“A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.”
“Writing is easy. Just sit in front of a typewriter, open up a vein and bleed it out drop by drop.”