“When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 96 of 1263
“If God dropped acid, would he see people?”
“Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?”
“One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations.”
“All morons hate it when you call them a moron.”
“One of the joys of going to the movies was that it was trashy, and we should never lose that.”
“Sooner or later we have all to pay for what we do.”
“By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.”
“That's probably one of my biggest gripes with the Internet - that it settles for mediocrity and disinformation, which puts all information on the same level. Everything has the same value, whether it's Albert Einstein speaking, or yoohoo27@msn.com.”
“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep.”
“You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.”
“To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesn't need guidance from.”
“A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts”
“Time wounds all heels.”
“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.”
“I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to glamour.”
“Then he laughed and she laughed. And quivering with the movement of the train, the dead man seemed to laugh too.”
“If you don't imagine, nothing ever happens at all.”
“Joining a Facebook group about creative productivity is like buying a chair about jogging.”
“A black, a Puerto Rican and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The police.”