"It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture."
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Quote collection
Neil Simon quotes (page 2 of 3)
51 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors."
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"Don't listen to those who say, you taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today."
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"A lot of your personality is formed before you're 12, obviously, but only a few of my plays use characters from my childhood. The more mature plays are affected only by my adult experiences."
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"[When you write a play] you walk into a forest without a knife, without a compass. But . . . if you have a sense of geography, you find that you're clearing a path and getting to the right place."
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"Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money."
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"Once you've opened yourself up, it's best to go all the way."
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"Goldie Hawn is funny, sexy, beautiful, talented, intelligent, warm, and consistently sunny. Other than that, she doesn't impress me at all."
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"I feel like writing about a time when I was probably, and think all of us are, the happiest before the obligations start in."
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"I understand. You work very hard two days a week and you need a five-day weekend. That's normal."
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"The first book was my first attempt at writing full-length prose."
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"There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles."
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"People with honorary awards are looked upon with disfavor. Would you let an honorary mechanic fix your brand-new Mercedes?"
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"Writers feel like a middleman, standing with pen in hand over the page. A force greater than me stands above telling me what to write. That may sound romantic, but that's how it feels."
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"Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend."
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"I don't use computers... I'm someone who needs to see the page right away in my hand."
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"Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count."
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"He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."
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"You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy."
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"I don't like dating or just living with a woman. I like to create a relationship, a marriage. And almost all of my marriages have involved children, so I'm really a family man as well."
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